It crept up on me – I don’t know how it did, but I finally can face it square in the teeth.
When I graduated high school back in 2006, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had felt fairly disillusioned by school and my understanding of humanity in general. So I did what I thought best, attending my local community college.
I changed my major several times. I was first a liberal arts major, then I was interested in human services and psychology. I then switched from human services and psychology back to liberal arts after realizing the rigid views of the psychology field. After that, I found myself very interested in graphic design and art. I drew and painted constantly with acrylics and oils, giving away many of my paintings to friends. After realizing that I don’t like the rigid discipline of the graphic design and art fields, I returned back to the confines of a liberal arts curriculum. Its why it took me three years to get my associates degree.
After getting my associates in the summer of 2009, I was at an impasse. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and so I continued working as a cashier at the small ‘mom and pop’ discount store I had been employed at for the past year. A little after Halloween (or what I would have called Samhain at that point in time) my then girlfriend left me. I later found out she had cheated on me with a very unpleasant fellow.
Being the naive young romantic that I was, I felt my life had stopped then and there. I had no real hopes or dreams beyond being with that girl for some reason, and so I spent that winter hanging out with my fellow aimless wanderers, working an easy low paying job, reading books and playing video games.
It was then that I found myself rapidly descending into love with the woman I am with today. She convinced me to either a) find a better job or b) go back to school. Being confronted by this decision, I decided to apply to 4 year schools, ultimately deciding to go to Binghamton University, here in my home town.
I went in as an anthropology major, but the day of transfer orientation I got the sudden urge to check out the Environmental Studies department. I decided to dual major, but as I got deeper into anthropology over my first semester, I felt that it was ‘too easy’ and I felt that the field neglects the real problems facing humanity.
I decided to focus only on an Environmental Studies curriculum, and I don’t regret it at all. I do, however, regret not having done internships or as many extra-curricular activities as I could have, had I not had to work.
And this is why I sit here not knowing what exactly I want to do with my life, other than a) getting engaged to my girlfriend and starting a family as soon as I possibly can afford it, b) being as self reliant as I possibly can, in the form of an organic farm and my own land I can live on and c) saving the world from the destructive forces of industrial technology and civilization.
I bet there is an awful lot of people that can relate to me.